Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
