I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
