The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
