making cat noises will not fix the situation.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
