I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
