If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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