Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
