lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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