You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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