his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
