my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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