that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
