i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize