You're completely useless in the revolution.
People in love make me want to vomit
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
