Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize