It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Randomize
