The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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