I just gift wrapped bread.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
