no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
