dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
