Plan B is the new Plan A
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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