so explain again why im purple
no
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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