i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
