I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The power of my boobs compel you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
