Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
