I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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