definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize