FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize