Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
