So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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