We're like a lot better than the average bears
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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