I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize