Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
