SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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