Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
