I want to walk on stilts...naked
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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