needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
