I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i now understand why vodka
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
