recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
