i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
