Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
