You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
