I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
