Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sobbing to NWA
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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