he thought i was a dude.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
