The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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