I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
