you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
