i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
