Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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