ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
