There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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