When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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