i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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