We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Found your dick twin last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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