im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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