yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
