You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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