I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
wow bdsm is so cute
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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