Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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