I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
