This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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