yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
