Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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