I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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