Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
