I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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