so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize