i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
