The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
