She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
