the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize