I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
