if you like me you must not know who I am
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
