Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
