What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
