I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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