just come out here and I will go home with you...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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